Epilog Pejuang

   i never thought even a broken friendship could be so painful. when years of friendship gets destroyed in an instant, in just a few words, because of ego, selfishness and self-centered mind. when years of friendship turns to be worthless and not appreciated. when years of friendship gets responded with a sarcastic insult. if there's a chance to let things out and talk about it, i think i would. but now, it's just too painful that i don't want to talk about it. i'm just not ready because i know with you - you will want to win and be right about what you think, and everything else does not matter. not even friendship matters. because that was how you previously treat other people in your life. and now it's me.

Wow! It has been nearly 3 months since I last blogged! Things are moving really fast, and, the truth is, I'm really not sure if my physical body is coping up well. Since I conceived my inshaAllah 2nd child four months ago, I'm been dragged down with headache attacks many, many times. And dragged down hard. If can say, the frequency increased from monthly or fortnightly to weekly - 4 to 6 days in a row - and excruciatingly painful. Yes, it means I hardly had a clear day, as far as I could remember... Until... I went elsewhere. Not for a break, but for work! I guess it must be the low level of pollution in the mountains of Cameron Highlands, and the cold breeze, plus fresh air coming into my window all the time. Subhanallah. For 4 days, I only had a slight trigger after trying out a glass of milk, which I 'counter-attacked' by draining plain water inside me. At other times, I was moving fresh up and about. No walking zombie. However back to reality, as I hit ba...

today someone bluntly accused me. i really feel like slapping her face (good thing she was not in front of me), but alhamdulillah my first words were spoken with some friendly intonations. for the next three hours, i had to use all my energy to calm down.. earlier in the morning, i nearly got furious with some people who seemed to be very laid back in carrying out tasks. you know, like, when you give out some tasks n expect it to be done, or if not at least report back as soon as possible that some tasks were not carried out - for whatever reason.. with "ok ok takpe" i put down the phone n clenched my fists. for the next hour, i just feel like finding everyone's flaws. i'm exhausted. really exhausted. mentally, emotionally, and especially physically. i'm certainly not blaming this Ramadhan for not being able to eat, but i just know that i'm simply not physically fit. i really don't know what to do. eating right - and do what newlife teaches me - is...

Izanagi - and the loop repeats itself... how i just wish all this headache that's been bugging my life since i was 11, is all part of Itachi's izanagi and it's nothing but a genjutsu - illusion

Do you remember your first experience standing in front doing public speaking or a presentation? I do, mine was horrible, and I decided that it will be one of the top three things i will hate for the rest of my life. I remember standing up on the small stage in front of nearly a hundred of my schoolmates and teachers with absolute nervousness. As much as I wanted to show total confidence, both of my hands trembled, one holding the microphone and the other holding a piece of paper. I am sure I saw the youngest of my classmate who stood right in front of me grinned as he saw how nervous I was. I was a school prefect back then, and it was compulsory for each of us to take turns giving tazkirah during the school assembly on Mondays. I do not remember what was I talking about, but I obviously did not deliver a good talk. And I decided, I hate speaking in public. As I grow up, small training sessions come in my way, but informally. I received my Black Belt TaeKwon-Do degree and ...

Earlier this afternoon, a student greeted me and asked, "Teacher, Teacher ada blog kan?". I answered yes. And she said with a big grin, "Mak saya selalu tengok blog teacher.." A big "OOOOPS..." slipped out of my mouth. But thinking about it, I don't think there's anything to hide I guess. Of course parents would like to know what kind of teachers their students have in school, because other than parents themselves, teachers too play a huge role in being examplary to the students - which is definitely not easy. Anyway, today, I'm back again at the spot i was in about 5 months ago - preparing for students' report card pick-up - the point where I can barely move on with my pace because others are stuck with their work. However, this time, I'm truly grateful to Allah for he blessed me with a very cool, awesome, experienced and wise colleague. Subhanallah walhamdulillah wallahuakbar! Now I'm blogging in my car. I stepped out of o...

23rd July 2011 I was down and depressed, exhausted and wondering --- How in the world could I possibly be a good mother??? I was not talking about being a GREAT mom, but simply a GOOD mom. And Allah had answered my question immediately. Ikram is now over 1 year and 3 months old, and I still have the feeling of not being able to adjust my whole life to become a mother to a child. To give the fullest and not to expect getting something in return is really difficult. Every day I wonder if I am giving my child all the attention he needs, or am I pampering him and spoiling him too much? I wonder if I should do all the daily chores with him - feeding, bathing, etc - or is it okay to let the maid help out with that from time to time? After a week of high fever (not including fever during the previous week and the week before) and what sounds like a very bad cough, Mujahid and I decided to bring Ikram to the hospital. It was midnight. We went to get a referral from a clinic nearby ou...

it's been nearly two months since my last post.. sekarang nak menulis, tapi tgh tak tau nak start dari mana.. mungkin sebab dah lama sangat tak menulis kat blog ni sampai berkarat sikit idea nye.. huhu.. so let's start with my latest family picture.. taken on the recent Eid-ul-Adha at 'rumah besar' as referred by Nabil. oh its so cute Nabil refers to Tok Ummi's house - the house he lives in - as 'rumah besar'. his parents bedroom is 'rumah Nabil', the house i'm living in is 'rumah Ikram', and so on.. he can even differentiate between Muja's Myvi and Kholah Tikki's Myvi although both are silver in colour. and he knows if the turqoise Hyundai Getz he sees on the road is not his mother's. such a brilliant boy, subhanallah! Ammar is the second grandson of the huge family. he's also super-duper cute and clever. he's a huge fan of Tok Abah's iPad and calls it 'pad'. one day he was at his other grandfather's h...

fuh.. fuh.. **tiup blog berhabuk** konon2 berazam nak record pengalaman pertama perjalanan 9 bulan bersama kehidupan lain di dalam diri, tapi nampaknya kurang berjaya.. how fast days goes by, kan! tup tap tup tap dah 8 bulan lebih pregnant.. nearly 38 weeks! i'm telling you - those who never or have not experienced this - it's really not an easy thing. but i admit that what i've experienced is nearly nothing compared to many other pregnant women.. this third trimester (7th-9th month) really made me feel like i'm pregnant. LOL~ trust me, before that i still could run up and down the stairs and move about like i'm not carrying any extra load. but suddenly after 7 months of being pregnant, i started to feel some limits to my movements, and that limit increases from week to week. anyways, last week i was admitted to the hospital for a night. actually i went to the hospital just to inform them about my baby's current condition, i.e. baby is currently breech, and also...

sengaja nak tulis kat blog utk record tarikh, walaupun isi kandungan sejarah yg dicatat hari ni akan dirahsiakan atas sebab2 tertentu :) tahniah pada diri sendiri, Asma' Amatullah, Hidayah Zairul, Wan Fatimah & Wan Syakirah. ... semoga terus tsabat di atas jalan dakwah walau dalam kesenangan atau kesusahan.. ... semoga Allah meredhai segala amal yang kita telah lakukan dan akan lakukan.. ... semoga kita tidak jemu menyinari dunia yg kian mati ini dengan Nur Allah.. sehingga kita direhatkan.. pic: Mt. Kinabalu, May 2007

Subhanallah walhamudilillah wallahuakbar! While I was drowning in the sea of life, making myself busy with the worldly test called final exam and taking every moment of my life for granted, my Creator and Sustainer 'poked' me with a simple test, to make me remember that none of us belong to this world forever. After a whole busy Sunday preparing for my final exams, my hubby returned from Perak with a little complaint of having a stomach ache. A couple of hours later, all of a sudden and without warning, he vomited blood - a lot of blood. I freaked out. We immediately went to the hospital. After hours of waiting and check-up, Mujahid was warded. Of course, terrified, all I wanted to do was to stay with him in the ward that night despite having a test the next morning. Subhanallah Allah sent us family and friends who really cares. Within 24 hours, at least a dozen of them came to visit. I was trying to make myself comfortable to accompany Mujahid at his bed for another few days, ...

8th week: started having some so-not-nice morning(actually ALL DAY!)-sickness. especially when i'm hungry, i would get dizzy & feel like vomitting. yes, only the feeling. but that is still uncomfortable.. fasting gets very challenging but i still forced myself to fast as long as i can handle it. coz i don't want to qadha' puasa banyak sangat! 9th week: once i really vommited after fajr prayers bcoz something was smelling funny terrible!. i asked my hubby what smell was it and he says it's the plant fertilizer - and you know what they are made of ! it was a good thing that we planned to go to the beach that morning ^__^ to my tiny disappointment, by tiny i meant: just a little disappointed, the Senai-Desaru highway is still not completed yet so we end up going to Tanjung Langsat which has no sand. only a small jetty and port nearby, thus making the sea water not so beautiful. but the smell of the sea is way much better than plant fertilizers! 10th week: baby is now...

ini adalah post yg pertama untuk tahun ni amat berharap saya tidak akan berhenti berkongsi pengalaman uh-oh!! sebenarnya, kelam kabut dengan schedule awal tahun ni... O__o" belajar dengan tekun, proaktif terhadap isu palestin & berorganisasi dgn baik semoga dapat belajar & buat kerja dgn baik & teliti!! *** al-Quds Institute Malaysian Chapter macam plan nak buat misi kemanusiaan ke Gaza.. ohh-- saya mahu ikuuuuuuuttt!!!!~~~ *** T__T

guess what??? jumpa geng baru utk makan malam2 buta masa program =P Maya Nela Timie + Asma` ngehehee~~~ iftar @ De Palma Hotel with IMAAM instructors (Independent Martial Arts Academy Malaysia - ITF TaeKwon-Do) no comment here

starting to get busy with school already O__o" this week submissions: - 1 DLD report - 2 assignments - 2 quizzes still busy with planning of eventsSsSs for July-August getting busy with another upcoming important event and i only had less than 48 hours of headache-free life since last week!! and i'm tired of questions like "SAKIT KEPALA LAGI? DAH CHECK DENGAN DOCTOR?" please pLeaSe and PLEASE DON'T ask me that question for the rest of my life!! onegaishimas!! -__-" if you want to show that you care, or you're worried, just remind me to take my meds and drink lots n lots of plain water. oh, anything urgent, plz CALL. SMS texts will only be entertained when i have some free time to spare

i was super-duper frustrated with my MicroP quiz the lecturer made some 'communication' mistakes in question 2 and 3 (4/10 marks) but 'covered' it all up by manipulating statements, causing me to lose that 4 marks. i mean, the questions were simple calculations but the terms used were confusing! seriously! ugh! and it's like, maybe, about 1.2 marks out of this 3 credit subject!!! and i'm not sure if i get the remaining 60% perfectly correct. is it worth not attending the memorandum submission to the UN? T__T *sobs*sobs* i wrote on a paper telling my lecturer i want to get the h**l out of the class, and i left, in the middle of the lecture. i mean, of course, politely, and he actually didn't even read what i wrote. he knew that paper means i wanted to leave. i rushed to pick up some karisma-international guys, but strayed onto the wrong road from gombak (on the way to sentol!). i made a rough, illegal U-turn, but by the time we were back on MRR2, Kak Dijah ca...

hwaaarrgggghhh!!! huhuhu... i'm soOoOo !!!3#^+@(-$#*!@)*-8 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it means angry + furious + disappointed + stressed out + !!!3#^+@(-$#*!@)*-8 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean, i was planning and SUPPOSED TO join the memorandum submission (on Nakbah - 60 years of Israeli occupation on Palestine) to the UN office tomorrow at 10 a.m. , but my Microprocessor lecturer decided to have an extra class tomorrow at 10 a.m. and woRst-- there's another QUIZ! and he even make up the quizzes as he likes! O__o" for the past 3 weeks, the first quiz question - during the first 20 minutes of the first class! - was some simple calculus - that was acceptable.. then the second quiz - there wasn't any question related to what we learn in the previous class the third quiz - he decided to do an adhock quiz on the topic we learn that day and the quiz this morning - everything but none on our reading assignment uh-uhh!! can you just imagine how much stress is now accumulated inside m...

i have been very busy for the past few days. to tell u the truth, i think, this is the first time ever that i don't feel stressed out bila nak masuk semester baru. ahahahh.. nak tau kenapa? i think it's because i only have 9 hours of classes per week! ^__^ 3 hours on mondays, wednesdays and thursdays. semoga tak makin malas belajar semoga dapat luangkan lebih masa utk kerja2 da'wah hari ni ada T4T conducted by Aman Palestin, speaker Dr. Saleh from Lubnan :) p/s: my nephew's name is Nabil bin Muhammad Amin. he's getting cuter n cuter.. hehehh..

making too much mistakes just make you prone to making more mistakes and not feeling very, very guilty about them never mind my english. do you agree? i mean, umm.. i don't know if you guys understand this. because i don't know who else in this whole wide world make mistakes as often as i do T__T someone just told me this afternoon, it's okay to make mistakes. i agree! and of course, learn from those mistakes.. yes, it's easy to learn, but it's certainly not easy to change the way you do things everyday.. me & carelessness --> still awfully inseperable ** because I just did another mistake!! **

had a terrible nightmare again last night trembled and cried got insane for a couple of hours until darkness disappear now i can't focus on my studies and exams . really . . c a n ' t . . . F O C U S pray that i shall be strong.. pray that Allah give me strength to fight..