It has been nearly 3 months since I last blogged! Things are moving really fast, and, the truth is, I'm really not sure if my physical body is coping up well.
Since I conceived my inshaAllah 2nd child four months ago, I'm been dragged down with headache attacks many, many times. And dragged down hard. If can say, the frequency increased from monthly or fortnightly to weekly - 4 to 6 days in a row - and excruciatingly painful. Yes, it means I hardly had a clear day, as far as I could remember...
I went elsewhere. Not for a break, but for work!
I guess it must be the low level of pollution in the mountains of Cameron Highlands, and the cold breeze, plus fresh air coming into my window all the time. Subhanallah. For 4 days, I only had a slight trigger after trying out a glass of milk, which I 'counter-attacked' by draining plain water inside me. At other times, I was moving fresh up and about. No walking zombie.
However back to reality, as I hit back home, the headache came again...
A couple of weeks later I went for a holiday.
The temperature in Langkawi was hot and dry, only triggered a short headache but I got better after some rest. The beach was really good. Subhanallah.
Since then, I only had mild headache attacks...
Teachers' training started!
Oh no! As much as I tried to mentally prepare myself for the long lectures and sitting down on the lecture chair, physically, my body isn't just fit to face the day. My shoulder and neck had stiffen up so bad even with just one day of sitting!
Now... What am I going to do? I'm feeling so helpless in getting rid of this headache and stiff upper-back T__T
Plus all the stress, and gastric pains. Doctor said I should try my best to avoid any drug at this time. All causing nausea and vomiting. And don't tell me, I will tell you, I always get that even when I'm not pregnant, even before I got married.
I'm planning to do something on the 14th year anniversary of my secret marriage with Mr. Migraine.. The idea is still under construction so it's still a secret. hohoho... actually, I've been planning to divorce him many times, but things just didn't work out and I'm still stuck with him practically at least once or twice a month for countless of days... well it's actually countable but not remember-able.
anyways, I've been wondering, how does expecting mothers wait, and be patient, and face the uncertain future when the doctor announced that the baby's having some developmental problem.
I know a dear friend - not so close to me - who actually carried a baby with a hole in her skull for 7 months, and doctors said that the baby will either die in the womb during the third trimester or immediately after birth.
And my hubby got a very strong cousin who actually carried and gave birth to a baby with a defect heart. Doctors said the most number of days he would survive was up to a week. His mother - an A&E doctor - managed to take care of him until a bit more than a month.
And after delivering Ikram, a friend came to visit me and told me that we should all be thankful to Allah even for the one child Allah has given us. Some doesn't even get a baby at all, and some, after the first one didn't get to have another child for many, many years.
I really wonder how patient and strong they are when they face those difficult times.
My doctor told me to wait for another week before another diagnosis, but I just keep thinking and thinking about it, about all possibilities from best to worse, and of course when thinking all the worries and tension comes in too.
Ya Allah... please make me strong and healthy! I cannot afford to get sick all the time...
i couldn't believe i actually shed some tears for some kids when i got home, and the whole idea bugged my head the whole night. earlier yesterday, they told me, someone said to them "i know your parents don't give you love at home, and you come to school seeking attention from teachers".
believe me or not, those words did not come with sympathetic tones, as the kids described it, but it sounded more like an insult. and i doubt those words come from a sympathetic heart. or maybe those words did come from a sympathetic heart but with a completely wrong tone at the wrong time.
i won't say i grow up with lack attention from my parents, they indeed have done everything they could to ensure my siblings and i grow up well with the best education n life we could ever get. but hearing that from the kids really stabbed my heart. my mind raced to the time when i was at their age.
how could someone simply reassure you that you're not getting enough love from your parents??? what do you feel if someone tell you your parents love their work more than they love you? and worse, some of those kids do actually come from broken families.
i know that might be the reality of life. but kids are kids. they need to grow up convinced that their parents love them, even though they feel the opposite deep down in their hearts.
is it our responsibility to spit out the plain killing truth at the kids, or is it our responsibility to support them emotionally in any way we can?
whatever happens at home is between the kids and their parents. and we teachers absolutely do not have any right to tell the kids that their parents is loving them less than they are supposed to.
today someone bluntly accused me. i really feel like slapping her face (good thing she was not in front of me), but alhamdulillah my first words were spoken with some friendly intonations.
for the next three hours, i had to use all my energy to calm down..
earlier in the morning, i nearly got furious with some people who seemed to be very laid back in carrying out tasks. you know, like, when you give out some tasks n expect it to be done, or if not at least report back as soon as possible that some tasks were not carried out - for whatever reason.. with "ok ok takpe" i put down the phone n clenched my fists.
for the next hour, i just feel like finding everyone's flaws.
i'm exhausted. really exhausted. mentally, emotionally, and especially physically. i'm certainly not blaming this Ramadhan for not being able to eat, but i just know that i'm simply not physically fit. i really don't know what to do. eating right - and do what newlife teaches me - is really a challenge, and i'm definitely not into herbalife or shaklee.
fuh. dah lama tak rasa marah sampai menggigil tangan kaki rasa nak sepak terajang orang. apa lagi hati yg membara.
pagi tadi saya terlanggar kereta orang. tak kemek pun. calar ciput aje, sebelah belakang kanan. tapi mamat tu marah-marah apasal orang suka langgar keter dia. memang bumper belakang dia berbekas langgar few places & plate no dah pecah sikit.
ada event punya pasal, saya bagi phone no kat orang tu. *silap saya lah, tp mmg takde choice sbb takde duit langsung dlm purse*
as expected, mamat tu sms, kata nak cat bumper dia.
pergh. saya rasa calar tu polish aje pun dah ok kot.
tak boleh, cat dah tercabut. saya tak suka tipu orang, pasal hal kecil susah saya nak menjawab di hari kemudian.
macam tu encik cat the whole bumper, sy bayar separuh.
pastu mula la songeh dia sana sini, questioning my integrity for not wanting to take responsibility after hitting his car.
come on, i will pay for my mistake. but my mistake does not even contribute 50% to how his bumper is looking like right now.
pok pek pok pek pasal busy banyak kerja mana sempat nak pegi repair except on saturdays.
saya akan bayar penuh.
Allah itu Maha Adil. di hari kemudian nanti Dia akan tentukan sama ada cost yg saya akan bayar untuk cat seluruh bumper encik tu cukup utk cover kesilapan saya sebab terlanggar. saya juga dah minta maaf.
kalau terlebih cost yg saya bayar, encik boleh bayar balik kat sana ye? (hehehe ayat ni sy tak guna ye dalam communication)
dan sy minta maaf lagi sekali sbb terpaksa cakap macam ni. saya rasa better kita settlekan hal kecil ni kat dunia aje. saya cadangkan saya bayar separuh cost cat bumper encik, and maybe extra RM50 utk cover "kerugian" kereta encik tersadai di workshop utk 1-2 hari (itu pun disebabkan decision encik utk cat balik, not for any major damage repair).
heh, let's see what will happen.
anyways, it's the first time i bumped into another car ever since i had Myvi nearly 4 years ago. before that, during my P-license days were another horrible story :(
My good friend Mar certainly have put the words right!
GO BACK TO NATURE, NO MORE PAIN KILLER.
God willing, as we translate it for our Christian friends every time we mention the arabic words in remembrance and praises to Allah.
I'm actually nervous to back home. I really want to be able to continue on living a normal life, but implementing some big changes - a healthy life style. Sam, a guy only few months younger than me yet so health concious always mentioned, "It's always about the choice you make. You can induldge, you can always have a treat day! Of course everyone needs a treat day! Just make a concious decision every time you want to eat."
That is exactly one thing I like with Newlife. I can eat all I want, and then I can just do a 7-day detox. LOL. No lah, it will be quite expensive to do that...
It's great to have such a wonderful, supportive family, especially my forever beloved Ummi & Hubby. I'm sure they will all at least support me, if not join me in living a healthier life.
3 simple rules to immediately abide by:
Minimize carbohydrates. Don't mix intake of carbohydrates & proteins.
For example, you can take carb & vege for lunch, and protein & vege for dinner. Your tummy will digest the food better.
Stop taking the 4 whites. White sugar, white rice, white flour, white salt.
I've heard about another white but I can't remember what. Maybe I need to ask Pak Hasni again.
Don't drink half to 1 hour before & after meals. And obviously not during meals.
Our tummy needs a perfectly balanced concentration of acids & enzymes for digestion.
It is indeed actually simple enough. To think about it, it's true. You don't have to think about mixing things together. We have actually made our lives complicated by preparing so much 'lauk' for meals, balancing all those sugar n salt in our food to produce perfect tasty food, and going to the hassle of getting a glass of drink while having a meal.
Just KEEP IT SIMPLE :)
Easy to say......
Newlife Intensive Detoxification & Rejuvenation Programme is coming to an end, but the healthy lifestyle certainly needs to continue!
I will definitely miss the fresh and refreshing atmosphere here..
and the fresh fruits & salads!
I'm really grateful to Auntie Nik & my Mom & especially Dr. Lynn for sharing all these lifetime treasures.
Oh, today is NO-SOLIDS day. They provide those salads, fruits and potato soup, but they told us to not touch them as much as we could. I hope I'll be fine with that. I haven't been eating a lot since the 2nd day anyway. Just half bowl of salad n a bowl of soup. That was it. I'm not a huge fan of salad anyway, but I do like them, because they're just Gooooood :)
I mean the no-solids thing. Believe me or not, they did not just serve normal fruits, salads and potato soup... They actually baked a whole-meal bread, and served it with a yummy home-made peanut butter!!! It's incredibly yummy after 4 days of tasteless food!
I took one small piece (like a tiger-biscuit size), and another piece, and then I had to ask permission whether I can take another one! Hahaha!!! I've never felt sooo.. irresistable to food!
After the talk, there were some remaining bread, and I took another piece!!! -__-"
How am I going to go back tomorrow and continue the programme at home *cries* T__T
But in exchange to the yummy bread and peanut butter, I didn't touch the salad and potato soup for lunch and dinner, but just few cuts of fruits. It's just for the sake of a more intensive detox on the last day since we're doing this for 5-6 days and not 7.
Oh, I actually skipped a drink again today. But no gastric pain. It's probably because I immediately stopped consuming the apple cider vinegar. Now we just call it ACV. heh.
I forgot to tell you a great testimony!
Last night, 2/3 of the group attempted a gall bladder flush, because one of the elder participants, an Omani lady, desperately need to get rid of the gall bladder stones in her. It was quite a nasty drink which nobody had good experience with - 6 oz of freshly squeezed lemon juice + 6 oz of flaxeed oil! - just before going to bed.
Guess what happened this morning?
She successfully eliminated gall stones!
She took a picture and showed it to us, and I think it's just incredible n amazing. Allah has provided us all with very basic natural things for us to heal ourselves, yet many of us deny them. Well, I'm not saying conventional medical doctors are useless, they are in fact doing their part. We need radiologists, we need surgeons, etc, but my point here is, to what extend are we depending on them in our lives?
Swallowing and going through difficult times for one night is definitely waaaaaaay better than having to undergo operation, 1 month of healing and worse of all the side effects. Agree?
All throughout my time here, I've been thinking of all my beloved ones and how am I able to help them. Especially my loving husband Mujahid, and my two best university friends, Najmi & Paan.
And above all, utmost praises to Almighty Allah Asy-Syaafiyy for sending me here, giving me the opportunity to heal.
This morning I keep wondering:
How much waste could my body possibly be storing up until recently!
Especially with the fact that the only solids I'm taking now is 100% salads, fruits and vegetable soup.
Everything today was good except for one. I over-slept in the afternoon and skipped 1 drink, and I woke up to a very bad gastric pain and wind. I was practically rolling on the bed and couldn't even sit up straight. Auntie Nik, my roommate, ordered a yoghurt for me. I just scooped everything up into my mouth. My tummy felt much better, so I did another detox.
More waste came out!
I just couldn't imagine what does it look like inside me. All the toxins and wastes. No wonder I had this little red spots on my hands and feet couple of years ago, for a couple of weeks on and off, for few years. They're like tiny blood clots everywhere, under the skin.
So I guess I really have to stop taking apple cider vinegar to prevent from gastric attacks.
I took another small bowl of yoghurt during supper, and, yeah, I think I can now swallow them pretty fast, despite the small war in my tummy. Heh.
Today was quite a challenge for me. I woke up feeling about, hmm... shall I say, maybe about 75% of myself compared to yesterday.
I think I had a good night sleep, but maybe something went wrong somewhere. I remember half-waking several times during the night finding a position that will allow blood to flow regularly to my hands and feet. I get that nearly every night, you know, the 'semut-semut' feeling...
Anyways, my head was also quite dizzy, so I did not join the morning walk which I wanted to actually do.
My tummy has also been grumbling the whole day. Both detox session didn't went good for me too *cries*. Nevertheless, I'm not giving up!
Kasih Sayang Health Resort & Spa
Oh, before I forgot. I told you we are having several health talks, right? This morning it was all about organic plants and fruits and identifying good foods and all the nutritional information comes in. Dr. Lynn was mentioning about how pesticides have successfully controlled our plants from insects' attacks.. And to really think about it, even insects which do not have brains KNOW that pesticides - the chemical ones - are harmful! So they dare not eat the leaves and fruits of which are soil-injected or sprayed with pesticides. Only we, humans with brains, are DUMB enough to consume all those chemicals!
Among all 30 participants, only 2 of us - Showen & I - are in our 20's, and the all others at have experienced life for at least half a century. Sam, our main speaker besides Dr. Lynn, is few months younger than myself.
In the afternoon, Showen & I wanted to visit a small farm down the road. We went with another lady, but we couldn't find the owner of the garden. And, the funniest thing of all, all 3 of us didn't want to go into the garden and search for the owner because there were few dogs sleeping. Both of my new friends had bad experience with dogs and I have to admit that I don't have the guts to go near dogs. I mean, I don't run away or hide behind someone else when I see them, but listening to all kinds of stories tell me to just stay on guard :P
Another true joke we all laughed our tummy out today was about worms. Wise people, both by experience and age, here all agreed that last time it was normal for someone to pass worms from the back. Um, you know what I mean, don't you? The uncle said, however nowadays, it's very rare for people to pass worms. We are all taking so much chemicals and unhealthy food that even worms cannot survive in a tummy full of those harmful things! Hahaha!!! *I hope you do get the point here :P* Actually someone did pass a big worm today! Yucks! But we should thank God it's actually out of our digestive system!
It's night now, and I'm preparing myself to go to sleep, but my tummy isn't feeling good. Now I'm practically 'detoxifying' without any aid. I hope it doesn't lead to dirrheoa...
Way to goooo :D
Oh, I forgot to mention, my head cleared off once again earlier this evening after another not-so-successful detox session.
Ummi, inshaAllah, I can feel I'm getting better, inshaAllah!
Peak of Mt Kinabalu above the afternoon clouds, subhanallah!
I am right now experiencing an incredibly miraculous health retreat, mainly consisting of detoxification & rejuvenation of the body.
On the first day, I got a headache attack on the plane and it just got worse every minute. I was walking like a zombie and closed my eyes every time I had the chance to do so. I felt nausea all the way, couldn't even focus to talk to people or enjoy the cold breeze and beautiful scenery of the mountains. While everyone ate their last lunch before the health retreat officially started, I was curled up on bed with my arms around my head, wondering if coming here was the right thing to do.
Despite the pain, I got up, and the health retreat started.
Suddenly, after 10 minutes of detox, I could feel blood flowing well into my head and all the numbness and throbbing disappeared! Subhanallah, it's totally a miracle from Allah. I've never had anything so quick and effective in eliminating the headache that has haunted more than half of my life.
It's been less than 24 hours here, and I could really feel the difference in me. I had a very good night sleep, although many others didn't get that because of some dogs barking all night - which I didn't hear at all. I woke up very fresh this morning for the first time in many years.
The detoxification & rejuvenating schedule here is quite packed, with some health talks going on. No solid food except for some salad buffet and tasteless potato soup. And at least four yes, four times of cleansing drink, tissue building drink and health drink every day, which is equal to 4 x 4 glasses of honegar (honey + vinegar) and green apple + carrot juice.
Cleansing Drink & Tissue Building Drink
The Salad Buffet
Oh, speaking of carrot juice, my tummy has been introduced to many kinds of new stuff over here. Two of them are carrot juice and YOGHURT - both which I never actually liked. The natural home-made yoghurt actually sets a small war in my tummy for many minutes but alhamdulillah I didn't throw up!
a bowl of Natural Home-Made Low Fat Yoghurt finished!!!
Allahuakbar! Allah the Greatest is blessing me with totally great things over here. Thank you sooo much Ummi for sending me here. I'll treasure every moment of this healthy session.
Right now I'm having little "health reactions" - the side effects of reversing health deterioration. Gastric and bloating, and thus the nutritionist changed my drinks to honey only, without vinegar. Backpain, which has been bugging me since my teenager days. And mild cloudiness in the head.
today is the 6th day. the dots are drying up, which is a good sign. but i guess its more itchy than the past few days.. poor little boy.
but alhamdulillah, Ikram manage to communicate his needs nowadays. he'll point where he's feeling itchy here and there, he can say "mama, sakit pewut..." and more. he talks a lot these days and he loves to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!
ada orang comment: SAGE MODE !! hahaha~
see! why on the third day of attack i was doubting whether it was really chicken pox or something more nasty.
today he's itching badly, and tantrum since 5 a.m. in the morning..
Do you remember your first experience standing in front doing public speaking or a presentation?
I do, mine was horrible,
and I decided that it will be one of the top three things i will hate for the rest of my life.
I remember standing up on the small stage in front of nearly a hundred of my schoolmates and teachers with absolute nervousness. As much as I wanted to show total confidence, both of my hands trembled, one holding the microphone and the other holding a piece of paper. I am sure I saw the youngest of my classmate who stood right in front of me grinned as he saw how nervous I was.
I was a school prefect back then, and it was compulsory for each of us to take turns giving tazkirah during the school assembly on Mondays. I do not remember what was I talking about, but I obviously did not deliver a good talk. And I decided, I hate speaking in public.
As I grow up, small training sessions come in my way, but informally.
I received my Black Belt TaeKwon-Do degree and became an instructor at the age of 13. I mainly taught ladies, most were younger or about my age, and some were way older than me.
Of course, along the way, I could never run away from the public speaking sessions during assembly, because I was a prefect until I graduated from school.
After high school graduation, I conducted a small weekly usrah group with my school juniors.
And instead of joining clubs or student representative councils in university, I joined an NGO and started to be active in the Palestinian issue. While learning and feeding myself with the issue, I shared what I know with others. I volunteered in exhibition booths and informally trained myself to speak in public.
As I was becoming more active, I had to deliver small talks on the Palestinian issue in front of maybe 20-40 people. And all those while, my hand would still tremble if I hold a microphone!
Then one day, I was asked to deliver a talk to some lower secondary students during their general assembly. I hesitated at first, but took the challenge. I thought there will be only at most 100-150 students, just like the weekly assembly back in my school. But my estimation was not even near. I was totally shocked when there were at least 500 - Yes, FIVE HUNDRED - pairs of eyes which belongs to students younger than me, and at least 20 pairs which belongs to the teachers!
But already standing there, I couldn't turn back.
I held the microphone and tried my best to hide my trembling hands. I gathered all the confidence (and ego) that I have in me and said "Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh"
all the trembling DISAPPEARED!
Subhanallah walhamdulillah wallahuakbar!
I continued my presentation, of course with no perfection, but getting rid of the trembling was to me a great achievement..
I am formally a teacher.
Talking in public is, maybe, now a second nature to me. Maybe, hehe... But I still need all the preparation time and resources I can have in order to deliver nicely.
But oh, somehow I still have this "aaa..." every now and then when I do formal public speaking... Which totally spoils everything!
Until today, I adore several people I've known closely for their ability not just to speak in public, but also their 'wise-ness' in dealing with all matters we've came across. We've gone on separate paths but I'm sure I will still bump into them now and then because our aim is the same, inshaAllah.
So, my advice to my dear students and others who read this piece, whether you like it or not, just TRY YOUR BEST. You might not be able to meet success immediately, but it will definitely come your way.