passion, contentment & happiness

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I've been thinking what makes me so passionate about Taekwon-Do these years, especially that I am not personally so involved in rigorous trainings or tournaments. I don't think I am fit enough and capable of sitting for further gradings even though I want to. And now because of the pandemic the financial income is honestly quite worrying too. I don't really fit into the group of friends there too because they're all guys and it's not nice for me hang around with them all the time. 

But I think, maybe --- it's a quick escape for me.

A place and time where I can just be myself for a moment and not worry about anything or anyone else. It's like I could leave all the heavy burdens and responsibilities behind. And because the emotional barriers are lifted for a short while, I feel that I could be happy inside.

March 2020 New Zealand trip presented me a chance to experience and discover a phenomenal yet shocking emotional transition.

I discovered that I had not felt the sense of 'happiness' for quite sometime, perhaps some years, and I had forgotten what or how being truly happy felt like.

I spent the first two days there confused and drowned in my own thoughts. I was upset with myself that I had not even noticed that I forgotten something so important.

Within that two days friends started to notice my mood changes, and I was thankful that a couple of them took the courage to approach me and ask if things were okay. That was when I had to tell myself to snap out of it so that I will not waste the remaining days trapped under my own emotional cave, trying to endlessly figure out what is going on inside me.

Live the moment.
Do not cry over the past.
Do not worry about the future.

Perhaps, Taekwon-Do gave me the courage to continue living and try to be content and happy.











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