Epilog Pejuang

 My previous life It was filled with silence and dismissal Ignored and disappeared on For hours Days Weeks Months In my previous life I was often left alone in the dark With no answers nor explanation On what was really going on In my previous life My voice meant nothing Up to a point where Speechless Becomes Hopeless And somewhere along the way That life of silence turned into a life of lies If silence could kill I would have died Many,  many times Already So listen, I certainly don't need Another lifetime of ghosting and stonewalling So Talk to me Or get lost

 Trying to make sense of the things that had happened Was one thing And trying to embrace and accept all the things that had happened Was another  "... Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe’, and will not be tested? ..." (Al-Ankabut 29:2) People ignore us, to the extent that we started to lose our trust in others; People hurt us, to the extent that we started to question our self-worth; People abandoned us, to the extent that we started to wonder if we actually deserve love and happiness. "Allah does not burden a person with something more than he can bear" (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:286) Little did we know That Allah sent us those people Into our lives To actually remind us That He is there He controls very single thing that happens, He holds the hearts of all those who drops by into our life; To actually show us That we are worthy of better Than those who had come before them Than those who had treated us a little less That is okay fo...

  One day, if you were allowed to venture far enough into my life You might be caught off guard Seeing a landmine of broken pieces Of me I know At this point Many people will simply Turn back And walk away I know I cannot hope for anyone to stay Not everyone can Not everyone will Not even those tied to you by blood They are not yours To keep Enough of holding back All my thoughts All my feelings It's suffocating

I can just hope When and if one day you stop texting me I hope it will not be too difficult to adapt and move on 

right person at the wrong time that feeling when you meet the right person at the wrong time is one of the hardest feelings to go through it's definitely not spoken about hard enough the chemistry you have together are matched you really like each other a lot maybe you even love each other but you know that it is impossible for you to be together right now circumstances just don't allow it but you're in denial you still have hope so every single night when your head hits the pillow you lie there trusting the universe to maybe, just maybe, one day bring that person back into your life...

Am I selfish? Am I being too carefree? Am I taking things for granted? This is really what I meant by having no one to pass the baton to no one to run alongside with I thought I could count on you all But in all honesty I couldn't  Your life is still yours My life is still mine And I have no right to interfere No matter how close we are This is painful Very painful

  It . Came . Back Kacau It's been 15 years Why did you return? . I believe that dreams actually reflect whatever is actually going on in our subconscious mind. But some dreams just never make sense. And to add up to that, the repetitive dreams of the same thing - that definitely doesn't make any sense. Horror ones. Like humans parts getting cut up into pieces, and sold in the market ?  Just like how the butchers do??? Fingers in a plate ?! Or you can choose to have a whole hand instead ?! A whole leg hanged from the canopy rail ?! A whole spine to be cooked into sup tulang ?! And you start to wonder, wasn't these parts of the girl you just met yesterday ?! And worse, someone hid a whole box, parts of a person so dear to you, inside your closet ?! What the H*LL ??? Horror ones. Like being chased by some pagan priest, trying to convert you and join them to worship the sun ?! Horror ones. Like getting chased to be killed .  Actually getting killed . Roaming around predators...

  Live In the present Worry not About the future Learn From the past

This Is exactly how Resilience Look like Before you could see That mighty person Stand proud and tall They stumbled, They fell, They break, They bleed... They drown, They suffocate Bcoz they couldn't breathe... They were stuck They were lost They simply couldn't see... Even if There was light At the end of the tunnel They still Couldn't reach out Couldn't take a step Couldn't decide Whether Staying still or Getting up To pursue that light Would make more sense But Resilience - Who grew together  With them Who were nurtured By them Since they were Little During their ups And their lows In their successes As well as collapses - Stayed true And never left Resilience Knew Exactly That it is just A matter of time Resilience Knew For sure They will Get back up Again

Resilience  💪🏼 It's okay to break down sometimes It's human to break down sometimes There's no rule On how much time out You are allowed to take So take As much time As you need We'll be right here Praying for you Waiting for you Cheering for you Yup, You don't have a choice The only way out Is to Get back up And stand Strong 🦾 ❤️

I don't consider myself a person of linguistic intelligence, but words of affirmation is evidently my language. While people usually refer to negative, toxic words and curses as huge red flags, Silence and lack of communication could also be pure torture. Use the right words. Use kind words. B'coz you never know Words that seem so neutral Can hurt a broken heart A lot more Than you could imagine Even when you never meant Any harm It's a dealbreaker  Whatever comes out of your mouth  is a reflection of your mind and your heart. Yes To me Words- They matter

There were times when I felt like I wanted to run away. There were times when I actually ran away and hid myself for hours, only returning at midnight, finding my kids crying frantically in my absence.  There are still times when I feel like running away again, but I'm too tired to even get up, put on my shoes, and drive away. I just want to disappear. Really. But I can't.

 12+ years... You've grown up so much. Looking at the person you've become now, I feel so blessed. As the proverb says, sejuk perut ibu mengandung. Even the caesarian scar could turn pretty.  You were strong, you were brave, and you were rational in accepting the trials Allah has set for you at a young age. You were my strength. You were there to keep me sane. And your presence always reminded me that I should never give up for us. It didn't take long for you to get back up and focus on the future, instead of dwell on the things we couldn't change. فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا، إِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا... When Allah takes away something from us, He will surely replace them with something better - sooner or later, in this world on in the Next. Yes, we might feel sad and discouraged by certain life events, but Allah has also presented to us things that could make us happy and thankful. Still, the steps you took until now are still just baby steps. Great challenges s...

So many things Left unsaid Only memories And feelings That fades away It's true what they say Befriend a perfume seller You'll get to smell nice.. Surround yourself With positive people You'll get to absorb their vibes.. Recharge When they smile at you When they compliment you When they make you laugh When they lend you a shoulder When they hold your hand When they walk with you When they look into your eyes Don't worry About what The future might bring It's not your call Embrace Their presence Every second Even for a short bit Even if they don't realize it Maybe They are God-sent; To call you out From the darkness You were stuck in; To hold you From falling again; To tell you That you are doing great; I wish I could tell Each and every one Of them That they mean The world To me Bcoz Sooner or later They might not stay And maybe Walk away So All I could Say is Thank you For everything ❤️  

  You can do it You've got nothing to lose You'll be fine You'll get through Just let go Don't hold onto things that do not belong to you Don't wander into thoughts that are not even real Don't dwell on feelings that are constantly suppressed Don't breathe in a space that continuously suffocates you True enough You've swam through greater oceans and even sank countless of times You might have drowned for a bit But you survived 2 was there Offering some Rays of sunshine Through stormy days But now It's time To just let silence stay As silent as our heart Beats