Epilog Pejuang

  Dearest Nihlah Yesterday, you've victoriously crossed another important bridge in your life. While the waters below go quite wild and dangerous, you could have chosen to cross it differently - by going through the hassle of looking for a boat to float across, or by going into the waters but risking and messing yourself all over, or by creating some big drama so that others around would show some pity come to your aid, or simply by any other means --- but you chose to braved your heart and slowly walk across the fragile, narrow bridge, carefully navigating every step taken by you and your 4 lovely children so that none of you would fall. This week, three dear persons told you that you have a big heart and a big soul. I don't exactly know what that means, but I like the sound of it. I think they meant that you're a very nice person. Everyone who knew the trial you faced yesterday said that they would never attempt to do what you just did or have the courage to go through it...

   My Heart I feel like It eerily resembles A thin sheet of glass That can Shatter Into tiniest of pieces With the smallest bit Of pressure And those sharp pieces Will surely hurt Every bit of flesh in me That's why I'm holding onto my heart Ever so tightly And I'm not letting Anyone Touch it Bcoz I'm afraid that Nobody Can be sure to Handle it with care

Subhanallah. A major chapter of my life has finally come to an end, officially. It has been a long struggle of trying to balance things out and figuring what works best. But we humans are simply just tiny helpless beings, who seem to blindly seek control of our worldly lives, while Allah the Almighty has other plans. Things have not been easy, and I reckon that it will not be any easier in the future. Life will continue as is, and new challenges will surely come. But at least, inshaAllah, there is now peace and I could put aside and leave the baggage of guilt and worries that I've been carrying for many years. Alhamdulillah, despite the pain and chaos, there are treasures that I can hold on to, and I pray to Allah to allow me to keep them close to me. Now it's time to embark on a new healing journey and start writing a new chapter, inshaAllah. May Allah forgive us, accept our decision, guide us and pull us closer to Him and His jannah. Ameen.

 5 August 2021. Today is the day, inshaAllah. 13 years minus 2 months and a final full-stop. End of chapter. May Allah forgive us and redha with the decision that we have made and action that we take.

4 - 11 March 2020 DAY 1 DAY 2 DAY 3   DAY 4 DAY 5 DAY 6 DAY 7

I've been thinking what makes me so passionate about Taekwon-Do these years, especially that I am not personally so involved in rigorous trainings or tournaments. I don't think I am fit enough and capable of sitting for further gradings even though I want to. And now because of the pandemic the financial income is honestly quite worrying too. I don't really fit into the group of friends there too because they're all guys and it's not nice for me hang around with them all the time.  But I think, maybe --- it's a quick escape for me. A place and time where I can just be myself for a moment and not worry about anything or anyone else. It's like I could leave all the heavy burdens and responsibilities behind. And because the emotional barriers are lifted for a short while, I feel that I could be happy inside. March 2020 New Zealand trip presented me a chance to experience and discover a phenomenal yet shocking emotional transition. I discovered that I had not fe...